Nadahnefu, you are not only a fabulous dancer, you’ve also gained fame as a great inventress. Tell us some of the things you’ve invented.
Well, you know, Denise, that Nadahnefu not only invent raks sharki, but also microphone, stage lighting, peenk ka’dlac (rose-colored chariot), and crocodile rak. And, of course, Nadahnefu invent river Nile. Dat a big river in Egypt.

You invented the Nile?
It a long story. Have to do with stupid drummer and bathtub overflowing. Tell it again in next Nadahnefu show. (Dat a good plug, huh?)

Didn’t you also invent Ancient Egypt?
No, dat was Nadahnefu fodder.

Fodder? Oh, you mean father.
Dat is what Nadahnefu just say. Nadahnefu fodder invent Ancient Egypt. Fodder tink he buying beachfront property. But it turn out to be lotsa beach, not much water. De guy who sold property to fodder—‘e gypt fodder. Then Nadahenfu invent river Nile, and property value go up.

I notice that you always refer to yourself as Nadahnefu, not as “me” or “I.” Why is that?
Nadahnefu is Queen of de Nile, Queen of all of Ancient Egypt.

Oh, so it’s sort of like the royal “we,” right?
“We?” What “we?” Nadahnefu one of a kind. “Me” and “I”—dat mean anyone and everyone. Nadahnefu only mean Nadahnefu.

Tell us about your family.
Nadahnefu have thirteen scissors an’ one buddha. Buddha’s name pronounced different, depend if buddha talk about hisself, or other pipples talk about buddha. If buddha talk about hisself, name pronounce “I’s a nefu.” If other pipples talk about buddha, then name pronounce “E’s a nefu.” Nadahnefu just call buddha “Eezy.”

You were named by your uncle, huh?
How you guess? You must be psychic, like Nadahnefu. Nadahnefu have third eye. Have fourth eye, too. Also a few extra hands and whatever else the crocodiles spit out.

Well, I am your descendant, after all, and was also named by my uncle. But you have a special relationship with your brother, don’t you?
Dat right. Nadahnefu buddha also Nadahnefu husband.

Wait a minute, you’re married to your brother?!?!
It Ancient Egypshun custom. Marry buddha, fool around with whoever you like. Cleopatra also marry to buddha named Ptolomy (dat a hard name to say out loud. Nadahnefu sorry she spit on you). Den Cleo fool around with Caesar and dat Tony guy. But it important to keep Ancient Egypt in de family.

I think we should get off the subject of family. Let’s talk about you as the featured dancer. The OPA! featured dancer is chosen in part because of contributions to the Austin belly-dance community. What do you contribute?
It important for other dancers to have some-thing to aspire to, someone to look up to.

Oh, so you’re a role model?
Not just a “role” model, but a role “super model.”

How about contributing something more tangible. Tell us your secrets for bellydancing.
No way! You want to put Nadahnefu out of job?

What about just one, then? Tell us the secret for a good shimmy.
OK, just dat one. If you want to shimmy and shake like Nadahnefu, the secret is … drink lotsa coffee.

So how do you stop?
You said just one secret!

Okay, okay. Being the featured dancer for the month of April, it might interest our readers to know that you are the only Queen of Ancient Egypt who never raised taxes.
Dat’s right. When de coffers run out of money, Nadahnefu get second job as k’washa.

K’washa? What’s that?
You know, it when you wash de kas. Like peenk ka’dlacs. Anyways, de pipples so happy Nadahnefu nada raise de taxes, every year at tax time—only anudder two week from now, so get you act togedder—dey give Nadahnefu a special flower to say “tank you.” Dey call flower “de yellow rose of taxes.”

What do the people back home in Ancient Egypt say about you?
Well, one ting dey say is when Nadahnefu good, den Nadahnefu very, very good. But when Nadahnefu bad … Nadahnefu better. Actually, Nadahnefu say dat first before de pipples say it. Pretty clever, huh?

Actually, I think Mae West invented that little witticism.
Ah, but due to logistics and improbabilities of time-travel, Nadahnefu say dat first.

I never thought of it that way. Wow! Time-travel sure has its advantages. What are your goals in life?
Back home, Nadahnefu already Queen of Ancient Egypt. No place to go when you already at de top. So Nadahnefu gonna concentrate on goals for dis side of portal. Nadahnefu know it important to start small, den work up. So Nadahnefu plan is…first, become Queen of Texas. Den Queen of United States. Den Queen of world. Den Queen of all de little green space aliens out dere.

Who is your favorite Middle Eastern musician?
Hmm. Dat a hard one. Used to be Mahmoud Velveeta. Nadahnefu used to have crush on Mahmoud. He a real mellow guy, you know? Always go with de Flo. He have balls, too. Except he keep losing dem.

What happened?
Mahmoud fall for weird dancer named Z-aira. Hey, Mahmoud, if you reading dis, Nadahnefu just have one ting to say—well, two tings. First, Nadahnefu is 99.9% pure woman.* Nadahnefu nada so sure Z-aira able to say de same. Second, Nadahnefu is Queen of de Nile, Queen of all of Ancient Egypt. Z-aira… just a queen.

*Statement made by weight, not by volume.

You know, some people in the Austin bellydance community have commented that they never see you and me together in the same place at the same time. Some even think that you and I are the same person!
Dat silly. I mean, dere is a slight family resemblance because you are Nadahnefu direct descendent, after all, but here you are interviewing me, so we in de same place at de same time!