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Pun-Off
Ancient Egypt and Her Neighbors
by Nadahnefu, Queen of de Nile
(cough) Sorry, I’ve caught this sarcophagus. Must be an infection in my Sinai-ses. It’s making me a little Horus today. I’m Nadahnefu, Queen of de Nile because I admit nothing. Oh, look, in the front row, it’s Alex and Rheea. Hi, Alexandria. And Cyrus! Hell-Osiris! And Cliff! Heiroglyph!
My mummy and papyrus didn’t want me to come here today. They Ptolomy it
would be ba-d to drive my ka such a long oasis. They Set it was Bast I stayed
home today. I Port Said, “That’s not pharaoh! That sphinx!”
and I Astarte-d my cartouche, ankhed my horn at them and came anyway. I’ll
have to find a phone and crocodile their number Suez they don’t worry
tomb much.
Hey, that woman’s not laughing! Marc Antony my words, she’ll regret
it. Guards, Caesar!
Let me tell you about myself. You know that two makes a pair, and I gods a pyramids.
I can’t cobra-less for obvious reasons. For those of you who think this
is fake, Israel. What, can’t Jew believe me? I’m Assyria-s. I’ve
also got a nice asp. I’m a psychic goddess. I goddess a third eye. Goddess
a fourth eye, too. That’s why my pet snake’s name is Isis (‘cause
she goddess two eyeses). Let’s have three chariots for Isis! Isis, Isis,
Ra-Ra-Ra!
I’m always very sheik. But the truth is, I need Anubis. I need a Nubia,
too. But the last time I went to the marketplace, the guy there, Egypt me out
of a lot of money. Sorry, I’m Babylon.
Ancient Egypt has several seas: The Mediterranean Sea, the Red Sea, and Ramesses.
Speaking of Ramesses, don’t let him scareb you. Euphrates gonna bite you?
Tut-tut. He’s just an old Giza.
Boy, these judges are a Tefnut to crack. I can’t harem laugh. They must
come from the Peninda region of ancient Assyria, which makes them Peninda Assyrians.
Well, I’ve serpent almost all my time. Amulet you go now, but I’ll
give you some last advice:
1. Nefertiti in public.
2. Keep your pet ra’s outside. Cleopatra-s out of the house.
3. While you’re at it, clean up your Messy-potamias.
4. And always take caravan, whoever ‘Ann’ is.
Abydos! Oil be seeing you.
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